Is there a balance

Subject Blog ... Psychology?

Is There A Balance?

As a lifelong doormat 1 have maneuvered through 16 years of prison in continuation of that embedded personality. In one regard I have existed in a mode of daily fortification against my environment, by the primary doormat weapon of avoidance. Nothing gained from prison culture; keep a personal bubble inflated around yourself. I have been able to keep this distance, as an inmate - distinct from a convict. I continue to eschew convict s#*t values but occasionally step outside of myself and play the role of a-hole. I'm terrible at it and only indulge when I have to follow through on a mis-step .... Hmm? If I said I navigate prison by avoidance then admit to mis- steps, it means something has changed. I don't think I'm getting sloppy and "forgetting where I am"; I shall postulate that I'm a worn out doormat. My forays into a-hole land are not alternatively productive exercises in assertiveness either. I find it exhausting, unmaintainable, and just plain greasy. How do the violent, accusatory, and generally resentful convicts do it?

There are decent cognitive programs for that inherent, criminal, subjugator/abuser personality. Nothing for healthy assertiveness. My self-treatment is a disaster and I must return to the safety of calculated and consistent avoidance. What bullshit though: one gets beat up with accusations and labels by the system then only becomes a worse doormat when they don't conform to the stereotype. How about rehabilitation for doormats? The convicts can lay the cognitive therapy class lingo on the parole board and profess positively changed status. A doormat says they resisted change toward degenerate prison culture; withdrawn to psychological fetal position; and the system labels as refractory! Yeah, I'm resistant to dehabilitation from human to your degenerate prison culture. How does one play the right role of a-hole to tell off the system that
creates degenerates!?  Peace J